Depersonalization and Derealization: What It is and How to Work Through It
On this episode of A Healthy Push podcast we are talking all about depersonalization and derealization, aka DPDR! These are a couple of anxiety symptoms that can feel really uncomfortable, weird, and scary, so I want to share some things with you that will help to make these symptoms a lot less scary and more manageable to work through!
Before we dive in, I want to point out something important. I know you want to get rid of all of the symptoms, and there’s probably one in particular that you really want to get rid of. But, the more you focus on getting rid of a particular symptom, the more it’s going to hang around. When you stop focusing on getting rid of the symptoms and start focusing on having a healthy response to them, this is what will help them to stop showing up - all of them, not just DPDR.
So although I’m going to share lots of helpful stuff here on DPDR, I want you to start thinking about your anxious thoughts, symptoms, and fears as anxiety as a whole, and when you do this, you’re actually able to heal your relationship with anxiety.
What is Depersonalization and Derealization?
Depersonalization can feel like you're detached from your body, thoughts, and feelings, while derealization feels like you're disconnected from your surroundings. It’s like being in a dream, watching yourself from outside, or just feeling "off." Many people describe these sensations as feeling dissociated, which can be really unsettling.
When I struggled with DPDR, I felt so disconnected that it terrified me. I’d be out at restaurants or in meetings, tapping on walls or pinching myself, just trying to snap back to reality. The fear of losing control is real, and it can make you worry that you’re losing your mind. But here’s the thing—you're not going crazy, and these symptoms don't mean you are!
Why Do We Experience These Symptoms?
When you experience DPDR, your brain is trying to protect itself from stress and overwhelm, whether it's from prolonged anxiety, recent trauma, or ongoing stress. It might feel like your brain is temporarily shutting down, making you feel disconnected, but it’s actually a protective mechanism.
If you think about it, the timing of your DPDR might make sense—maybe you’ve been under a lot of stress for a while or went through something traumatic. That was the case for me. Once I understood DPDR better, I realized why those symptoms showed up when they did.
Practical Tips for Working Through DPDR!
01. Stop trying to get rid of it or prevent it from showing up. I know it’s tough, but practicing acceptance is key. Acknowledge when you’re feeling it, let yourself feel it, and then gently bring yourself back to the present. Instead of trying to stop or avoid these feelings, focus on how you respond to them. This approach helps the sensations pass more quickly and show up less often. Also, try not to constantly check in on how you're feeling, as it only feeds the anxiety.
02. Don’t desperately try to make yourself come out of it. I learned this one the hard way, and lots of my students have. When you’re experiencing DPDR and you’re desperately trying to think and do your way out of it, it just heightens the disconnected feeling and it typically leads to you feeling really anxious or even experiencing a panic attack. So rather than try to make yourself come out of it, practice letting yourself acknowledge it, feel it, and then redirecting. I know you don’t want to be with the feeling, rightfully so, but being with it is what helps it to pass.
03. Start listening to your body, and yourself. If you’re experiencing DPDR, especially often, there’s a good chance you’re experiencing lots of stress and you’re ignoring some signs your body is sending you. Slowing down and supporting yourself in healthier ways goes a long way.
04. Prioritize basic self-care. This means consistently prioritizing sleep, movement, staying hydrated, eating nourishing foods, asking for help, and I could go on and on. This one often gets overlooked which is why so many people continue to struggle with anxiety. You have to take care of yourself mentally, physically, and emotionally if you want to heal your relationship with anxiety.
05. Don’t try to make yourself not feel afraid of it. I think we convince ourselves that if we don’t feel afraid of it then everything will be okay. But it’s okay to feel afraid of how you feel when you feel dissociated. And honestly, of course you feel afraid. But when you start responding to it in a healthy way to it, and you start better supporting yourself, it’ll start reducing the fear you feel surrounding it.
If you’re really struggling with DPDR and other anxiety symptoms, I really want to encourage you to take my masterclass on Overcoming the Symptoms & Panic Attacks. In it, I walk you through very practical ways to find long-term relief from these symptoms.
Alright, until next time, keep taking healthy action!
Feeling like you've tried everything but you're still struggling with lots of anxious thoughts, symptoms, panic attacks, and fears? Take my FREE 60-minute masterclass today and learn 5 shifts that will actually help you to overcome anxiety, panic disorder, and agoraphobia. And I promise, you won't hear any of the usual stuff from me - like doing breathing exercises, grounding practices, cutting out caffeine, and doing more exposures. Let's get you the peace and freedom you deserve without it being so hard!
Check out my masterclasses here and start experiencing lots more peace, joy, & freedom!
TRANSCRIPT
Let’s talk about depersonalization and derealization, aka DPDR! These are a couple of anxiety symptoms that can feel really uncomfortable, weird, and scary, so I want to share some things with you that will help to make these symptoms a lot less scary and more manageable to work through!
And before I really dive in, I want to point out something important… Have you ever noticed how I don’t really do episodes (or content) on how to overcome specific symptoms, thoughts, and fears… I don’t teach what to do when you’re experiencing particular symptoms, thoughts, and fears… Like, here’s what to do when you’re experiencing dizziness. And here’s what to do when you’re experiencing a racing heart. And here’s what to do when you’re experiencing dpdr. And the list goes on. This is because, for the most part, it’s all the same because it’s all anxiety! You don’t do something for one symptom and something different for another. In fact, this is often what we try to do and it causes us to stay stuck and we end up experiencing even more anxiety.
I know you want to get rid of all of the symptoms, and there’s probably one in particular that you really want to get rid of, but the more you focus on getting rid of a particular symptom, the more it’s going to hang around. When you stop focusing on getting rid of them and start focusing on having a healthy response to them, this is what will help them to stop showing up - all of them, not just DPDR.
I’m sharing this with you because this was a big mistake I made in my recovery and it kept me stuck for a long time. I was always trying to go at specific symptoms, thoughts, and fears and get rid of them individually which just caused them to become stronger and bigger, and caused new ones to pop up. So although I’m going to share lots of helpful stuff here on DPDR, I want you to start thinking about your anxious thoughts, symptoms, and fears as anxiety as a whole, and when you do this, you’re actually able to heal your relationship with anxiety.
Okay, let’s dive into all things DPDR! So I want to point out something important… These symptoms (depersonalization and derealization) are very common. I know you might feel like what you’re experiencing is wacky and there’s no way anyone else experiences it, but that’s far from the truth. Depersonalization and derealization are such common symptoms of anxiety, trauma, stress, and overwhelm.
Let’s start by talking about what depersonalization and derealization is and why it happens, because understanding these things really helps to make these symptoms less scary. So there’s a slight difference between the two…Depersonalization tends to feel like you’re detached from your body, thoughts, and feelings, while derealization feels like you’re disconnected from your environment. Some people say these symptoms make them feel like they’re in a dream, or observing themselves from outside of themselves, or they feel out of touch with reality, or they feel like they’re in the clouds, or they feel like nothing is real, or they just feel “off.”
All around, people tend to refer to these symptoms by saying that they feel dissociated, which is an accurate way to describe them. Feeling dissociated can feel pretty scary. I know when I was struggling with DPDR, I hated feeling disconnected more than anything. When I experienced it, I remember feeling so disconnected that it would terrify me. I remember being out at restaurants or sitting in meetings at work and I’d literally start tapping on walls, or pinching myself, or even hitting myself in an effort to convince myself that I was actually wherever I was doing what I ws doing. I’d try so hard to “bring myself back” because I didn’t want to feel off and possibly lose control of myself.
And I think that this is what the fear of DPDR comes down to for lots of people… It can make you feel so disconnected from yourself or your reality that you literally worry that you’re losing your mind or you’re going to lose control of yourself. So I know that when you’re experiencing depersonalization and derealization, you might be scared that you’re going crazy, or losing touch with reality. But it’s important to acknowledge that you’re not going crazy and that these symptoms aren’t an indicator that you are!
So why do we experience these symptoms? Well, when you experience DPDR, your brain is simply trying to remove itself from stress and overwhelm, whether it’s because you’ve experienced a lot of stress and anxiety over a prolonged period of time, or because you just went through something traumatic, or because you’re currently experiencing trauma. You can think of it in the sense that it kind of temporarily shuts down some things which is what makes you feel disconnected. It’s actually your brain’s way of protecting itself. And yes, I know it doesn’t feel like it’s protecting you when it’s happening, but it’s helpful to recognize that it is.
And I’m sure if you really think about it, you’ll probably see that it makes sense as to why you’re experiencing DPDR… Maybe you’ve been experiencing stress and overwhelm for a prolonged period of time, or maybe you’ve experienced something traumatic (either recently or maybe even months and months ago). You know, this was definitely true for me. When I came to better understand DPDR and why these symptoms popped up, I could always see that it made sense that they popped up when they did.
Alright, here are some other truths about dissociation that are helpful to acknowledge, and I love this first one…
When you experience it, you are physically present but temporarily mentally checked out. I know when your brain feels a bit removed it can feel startling, but just because you’re a little checked out temporarily, doesn’t mean you aren’t physically present or safe. And I know it can feel like you aren’t in control but you absolutely are.
Let me give you an example… Can you remember a time (not relating to anxiety) when you either drove a good distance in your car, or you read a few pages of a book, but you don’t really recall any of the details and you were left feeling like… Hm, how did I get here? I don’t remember any of what I just did. This is what’s happening when you experience dissociation associated with anxiety, but of course when anxiety is in the mix, it can create chaos, mostly because we create the chaos with how we respond to it - aka how we respond to what we’re feeling. We’ll talk about this more in just a bit!
You might not remember events when you dissociate because you aren’t fully present to create the memories. You might feel like your memory is a little cloudy and this is okay. I know it can feel a little uncomfortable to not be able to remember things but not being able to remember some details is not problematic. You don’t need to desperately try to recall things.
Experiencing it is normal and temporary. I’m saying this one again and probably will one more time because I really want you to hear it. When you experience DPDR, you’re not losing control or going crazy, you’re simply feeling. And although it can feel weird, it’s a perfectly normal and temporary thing that’s happening.
Alright, now let’s jump into some practical tips for working through DPDR and help you to experience some relief!
Stop trying to get rid of it or prevent it from showing up.
I know this is the toughest thing to do but you have to start practicing being more accepting of it… This means allowing yourself to acknowledge when you’re feeling it, letting yourself feel it, and then redirecting yourself back into the present. This is the stuff I teach in my mini course on Overcoming the Symptoms and Panic Attacks because it’s such a big piece of how the healing happens.
Rather than trying to stop it from happening or trying to make it go away, you’re instead changing how you respond to the feelings. Letting it happen without fighting it. And this is what helps it to pass more quickly and stops it from showing up so much.
And one last thing here - I encourage you to practice resisting checking in with how you feel and whether or not it’s there. This is just feeding it and giving anxiety so much attention, and we don’t want to continue to do this.
Don’t desperately try to make yourself come out of it. I learned this one the hard way, and lots of my students have. When you’re experiencing DPDR and you’re desperately trying to think and do your way out of it, it just heightens the disconnected feeling and it typically leads to you feeling really anxious or even experiencing a panic attack. So rather than try to make yourself come out of it, practice letting yourself acknowledge it, feel it, and then redirecting. I know you don’t want to be with the feeling, rightfully so, but being with it is what helps it to pass.
Start listening to your body, and yourself. If you’re experiencing DPDR, especially often, there’s a good chance you’re experiencing lots of stress and you’re ignoring some signs your body is sending you. So when I say listen to your body and to yourself, I mean, it’s important to slow down and work to reduce stress. Start allowing yourself to be in stillness more. Don’t always be connected and on. Start practicing mindfulness but not in a forced way. You can just do a bunch of meditation and expect to send this symptom on its way. But slowing down and supporting yourself in healthier ways goes a long way. This leads nicely into the next one…
Prioritize basic self-care. This means prioritizing sleep, movement, staying hydrated, eating nourishing foods, asking for help, and I could go on and on. This one often gets overlooked which is why so many people continue to struggle with anxiety. You have to take care of yourself mentally, physically, and emotionally if you want to heal your relationship with anxiety. And you might be thinking… I do this. But I want you to be honest with yourself, do you do this consistently? Do you take care of yourself in the most simple and basic ways consistently?
Don’t try to make yourself not feel afraid of it. I think we convince ourselves that if we don’t feel afraid of it then everything will be okay. But it’s okay to feel afraid of how you feel when you feel dissociated. And honestly, of course you feel afraid. But when you start responding to it in a healthy way to it, and you start better supporting yourself, it’ll start reducing the fear you feel surrounding it.
If you’re really struggling with DPDR and other anxiety symptoms, I really want to encourage you to take my masterclass on Overcoming the Symptoms & Panic Attacks. In it, I walk you through very practical ways to find long-term relief from these symptoms.
Alright, until next time, keep taking healthy action!
Comments