How People Pleasing Fuels Anxiety (And How to Break the Cycle) With Nicole

If you're someone who struggles with saying no, constantly seeks approval, or feels overwhelmed trying to keep everyone happy—this episode is for you!

In this episode of A Healthy Push podcast, I sit down with Nicole Mendizabal, a licensed therapist specializing in people pleasing and anxiety. I was so excited to discuss this topic with Nicole, as she provided expert insight on this layered subject! We had such an insightful conversation about what people pleasing really is, how it connects to anxiety, and how you can begin to shift out of this pattern.

What is People Pleasing?

To start, I thought it’d be helpful to ask Nicole to explain what exactly people pleasing is, or at least how it can be defined. To put it simply, Nicole defined people pleasing with a few characteristics and common signs:

Behavior that’s driven by wanting to please (others)
Stems from a fear of disappointing people and wanting people to like/accept you
Fear of conflict/disagreement can be a tell-tale sign that you’re a people pleaser (“it’s fine, I’ll just deal with this instead of speaking my mind”)

How People Pleasing and Anxiety Are Connected

Nicole explains that people pleasing is often used as a coping mechanism to avoid anxiety. But instead of reducing anxiety, it actually reinforces it. When you silence your thoughts to avoid discomfort, those emotions don’t go away—they build up and increase stress, overwhelm, and anxiety.

“Our feelings have to go somewhere—if they’re not coming out, they’re staying in,” Nicole says.

Where People Pleasing Starts

Many people pleasers start out as “parent pleasers.” While this isn’t about blaming your parents, acknowledging early dynamics can help you better understand your behavior today. People pleasing often stems from wanting to feel accepted, worthy, and safe.

The Role of Guilt and Fear

Fear of being seen as selfish is a huge barrier to setting boundaries. Many people pleasers feel intense guilt when putting their needs first. Nicole recommends asking yourself:

Am I going against my values by speaking up?
Why am I feeling guilty right now?

Often, guilt is just an automatic response—not a reflection of wrongdoing.

“Just because I’m feeling guilty doesn’t mean I’m doing something wrong.”

Self-Worth and People Pleasing

At the core of people pleasing is a lack of self-worth. That “I’m not good enough” narrative fuels the cycle of needing others’ approval. The good news? As you work on self-worth, you naturally begin to break free from people pleasing behaviors.

Final Thoughts

If you’re stuck in the people pleasing cycle, know that it is possible to shift. Awareness is the first step. Start small, ask the hard questions, and remember—keep taking healthy action!