Tips & Truths for Dating While Struggling With Panic Disorder and Agoraphobia
In this episode of A Healthy Push podcast, I’m diving into a topic that feels both personal and kinda funny for me to talk about: dating. The funny part? I haven't dated in 14 years! But back when I was in the dating world, I was also dealing with panic disorder and agoraphobia, so I feel like I have a few things to say about the struggles—and joys—that come with dating while living with anxiety.
Let me take you back to when I met Adam, my husband of 14 years. Back when we met, I was having panic attacks regularly and it was incredibly hard for me to drive places, be in restaurants, go on adventures, and really do anything because I was so anxious… all the freaking time!
One night, I went out with friends, ended up at a restaurant, and, yep, you guessed it—I had a panic attack. In my panicked state, I ended up sitting on the curb outside of the restaurant crying. And then I did something that would totally change my life—I called Adam. We’d only been friends for a couple of months, but I felt safe with him. He didn’t ask a single question, just said, “I’ll be there in a few minutes.” And he was. He picked me up, took me home, and not long after that, we started dating.
I share this because I know how hard and scary it can be to date while you’re struggling with anxiety. But can you imagine if I hadn’t given myself that chance? I wouldn’t have my husband, my daughter, or the experiences that have shaped my life. So, if you’re wondering if it’s worth putting yourself out there while dealing with panic attacks and agoraphobia—the answer is YES.
So, with that said, let’s jump into some tips and truths about dating…
Find Your Why
Dating is hard when you're dealing with anxiety. It’s uncomfortable, and it will challenge you. But ask yourself: What do I have to gain from dating? When you have a clear reason for doing the hard stuff, it makes taking those small steps a bit easier.
Think about what you might gain—joyful moments, learning more about yourself, sharing fun experiences with someone, emotional support, or simply proving to yourself that you can handle challenging situations. This is where we learn, grow, and experience the things that make life worth living.
Be Honest About Your Struggles I'm not saying you have to tell everyone right away about your anxiety struggles. But be honest when it feels right. Whether that’s before meeting in person, after the first date, or even a few months in, the right person will understand. Trust me, the right person won't care that you’re struggling. When I look back at Adam, he didn’t care—and neither did the people I dated before him. They cared about who I was as a person, and anxiety didn’t define me. It doesn’t define you either.
You Are So Much More Than Anxiety I know anxiety might feel like it’s front and center right now, but it doesn’t define you. You have so many amazing qualities beyond what you’re struggling with. Sit down and write out all the incredible traits you have—creativity, empathy, humor, honesty, ambition... Remind yourself that there’s so much more to you, and let people see that.
Everyone Has Their Own Struggles We often convince ourselves that we're the only ones struggling. But here's the truth: everyone has something. It might be social anxiety, trauma, or difficult family relationships. Nobody is perfect, and everyone has their own "stuff." Dating is about connecting and supporting each other through life’s ups and downs. So, cut yourself some slack and remember that you’re not alone.
Give Yourself Permission to Take Things Slow I always say small steps for a reason! Allow yourself to go at your own pace—maybe start with texting, phone calls, or video chats. Meet in places where you feel comfortable, or in group settings if that’s easier. Being honest about what you’re dealing with helps set boundaries and ensures that everyone is on the same page.
You Are In Control If you feel overwhelmed, it’s okay to communicate that. You can reschedule, take a break, or change plans to something less anxiety-inducing. You’re allowed to step away, take a breath, and come back when you’re ready. Remember, you are in control of your actions.
Give Yourself Permission to Feel Anxious This is a big one. Self-compassion is non-negotiable. Whether it’s the talking stage, the first date, or a serious relationship—allow yourself to feel anxious. Dating can be anxiety-producing even for people without anxiety disorders, so give yourself a break. Feeling anxious doesn’t mean you’re failing; it means you’re human.
Dating Can Actually Distract You From Anxiety One unexpected benefit of dating? Your mind becomes occupied with other things—like having fun and getting to know someone new. It can help you become less fixated on your anxiety. Recovery happens while you're living, not while you're waiting to heal. So, give yourself the chance to live.
Alright! So if you’re thinking… All of this has been great but what the heck do I do when I’m on dates and I feel anxious or I’m panicking? If this is you, I want you to check out my mini courses. I have one on Overcoming the Symptoms & Panic Attacks, Freedom From What-if Thoughts, and Freedom From Toilet Anxiety… and all of these apply, depending upon what it is you struggle with.
Alright, until next time, keep taking healthy action!
Feeling like you've tried everything but you're still struggling with lots of anxious thoughts, symptoms, panic attacks, and fears? Take my FREE 60-minute masterclass today and learn 5 shifts that will actually help you to overcome anxiety, panic disorder, and agoraphobia. And I promise, you won't hear any of the usual stuff from me - like doing breathing exercises, grounding practices, cutting out caffeine, and doing more exposures. Let's get you the peace and freedom you deserve without it being so hard!
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