When “Doing All the Right Things” Still Doesn’t Work: How Self-Compassion and Acceptance Change the Game

On this week’s episode of A Healthy Push podcast, I was joined by licensed therapist turned mental health coach, Mollie Birney! We talked about something that anxiety convinces so many of us of: the idea that we know how things are going to go, and that they’re definitely going to go badly. If you’re living with anxiety or panic, you probably know the narrative:

“I’ve always been like this.

“It’s too late for me.”

“I’m broken.”

"This is just how I’ll always be.”

When we live from a place of certainty that things will go badly, we’re choosing the comfort of doom over the discomfort of possibility. We’d rather brace for the impact we think is coming than sit in the unknown. It feels safer to predict disaster than to admit we don’t know what’s coming next.

But that prediction? It’s just a story. And here’s the thing: you don’t have to keep telling it.

The Most Unqualified Perspective

When you’re deep in anxiety or shame, you’re not exactly the most qualified authority on what’s possible for your future. That highly anxious version of you? That scared inner narrator? It doesn’t get to decide what your life can look like.

But to even get to the place where you can start rewriting that narrative, you first have to recognize that a narrative is being told.

That’s the first step: acknowledging that you’re in the space your anxiety has created. You can’t find freedom if you think you’re already free while living under the rules of fear, shame, and rigid expectations.

Our Fear of Uncertainty

We’re hardwired to avoid uncertainty. Our brains love predictability because predictability feels safe—even if it’s predictably awful. But as Mollie said, “A relationship with uncertainty is one of the portals to freedom.”

You don’t have to be perfectly okay with uncertainty to heal. You just have to be willing to meet it, even just a little more each day. That’s where your power is, not in knowing or controlling everything, but in responding to your thoughts with awareness and compassion instead of panic and certainty.

You Can’t Heal a Part of You That You’re Trying to Cut Out

If you’re trying to get rid of your anxiety, your shame, your procrastination, your fear—you’re fighting against yourself.

And healing doesn’t come from fighting against your anxious thoughts and feelings, it comes from understanding your relationship with your anxiety. You don’t have to like your anxiety. You don’t have to want it there. But can you try to understand it. That’s the magic. That’s the shift.

If This Feels Foreign, You’re Not Alone

Self-acceptance isn’t an on-off switch. It’s a practice. And if this feels totally foreign to you, if you’re thinking “Yeah, but I don’t even know how to start”, start here:

Slow down.
Get curious.
Notice the stories.
Question them.
Practice gentleness.
And above all, remember: the thoughts aren’t the problem. It’s how we respond to them.

You’re allowed to be human. You’re allowed to not have it all figured out. And you’re allowed to stop being right about how everything’s going to go wrong.

How to connect with Mollie:

molliebirney.com

Instagram @mollyburnie